“Are they going to call??” “Have they made a decision?” “Are they still thinking about it?” “What's going on, maybe just maybe they forgot me.” HUH yeah right them forget about MELISSA? “Please, like that's really going to happen.” This is going on my second week back home and I’m so excited that I live in Arizona and NOT Pittsburgh. There is nothing wrong with it there, I’m just a HOT KINDA GIRL.... Well, I mean I like it hot not cold! There are times I wanna write on here and let everyone know how I am doing. It's hard to write when I don’t even know how I am feeling. I have days when I feel pretty good and days I just wanna cry and don’t wanna talk about it. Then I turn right around and can’t stop thinking about it. While I was there I learned a very big lesson in life. That is to listen to your gut feelings and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Before, I went I thought to myself “I am strong, I am a tough girl, I can handle this.” I will go get my testing done, come home and wait for the call. Then when they call and tell me when I need to go I will move down there and wait. I will just keep waiting to get a new heart and liver. Then come right back home and feel great. One of the cardiologist said, to me, “Melissa your not going in to buy a new car, this is a life decision that could cost you your life.” To me, I don’t feel like I am ready for this. Would you be ready to kiss your family one last time and go under this type of surgery? Cause that's what I would be doing if I said alright I wanna go ahead and do this. Nobody knows the out come of what this will be. We can all pray, and hope, and have a good feeling inside us. But, we really don’t know if I would make it. Is the risk really that worth it? I asked the doctor, if they call me and say that I need to have this surgery it’s time, but I say I am not ready yet, will I have another chance? He said, “Yes, that YOU need to be ready for this because YOU are the one going in for surgery, not anyone else but YOU, Melissa, has to make this choice.” It won’t be up to my Mother or Father or anyone in my family. For the first time I felt like I got that control back. That I am the one who controls my own life. So I will wait for that call and once I get it I will let everyone know what they say. I just hope that I won’t let anyone down if I decide to wait until I am 100% ready. Please continue to pray and I thank everyone of you for all your help and support during this time.
Love your Honeybee
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