How I really feel!

What it's been like living with My heart condition:

Every since I was a little girl, I have never known what it's like NOT having a heart condition. My whole life I had to grow up knowing that there are things I could and could not do. I was very lucky to have a wonderful loving Mother and Father that would do anything for me.. It's been incredible the love and support that I have gotten from my family and friends. They have provided all of that for me over the years. I can't go into every detail about what it was like but, it never bothered me to much as a child. It effected me more as adult then anyone could ever imagine. People aren't always normal but I hope I will feel that normal feeling after my heart transplant. Every time I turn around there has been something I had to over come. An obstacle that I had to face head on, and it always has seemed to be a life or death situation. I stopped asking the "WHYS" because I knew there must be a reason... As they always say, "GOD doesn't give you something you cant handle... ". So I must be one lucky women that He has given me all of these things to over come. The one thing that I have done for the last 12 years is kept a journal . I now have boxes of journals and I would like to think I got that from my Granny. I have written in it every night before I go to bed. I write about what I did that day, including those Hot dates I love to go on. : ) At the end of my day I write 5 things that I am grateful for. So I am asking if you leave a comment on my caringbridge.com website please write 1 thing you are grateful for. It definitely will make you appreciate your life a little more..
The loneliness, stress and sadness that I have felt is not from my heart condition, but from the Protein Losing Enteropathy. aka (fluid/Edema) What does it feel like on my stomach? It feels like I have been pregnant. The tightness and uncomfortable feeling, the constant worry of what shirt will I wear to hide it today? Or will I be able to wear my heels to go out tonight because the fluid is also on top of my feet 24/7 from my toes all the way up. (This is an every day thing.) Maybe one day I will know what its like to walk from the couch to the bathroom and not get short of breath. I look forward to the day I WILL hike a mountain with my best friend. So watch out Annette, I will be running up that mountain... What makes me happy in life is just being around my friends who have kept me "sane" They don't ask how I am everyday they ask me things like what are we doing tonight? Or ask me about my personal life... Its a lot to talk about at times ..LOL So in two weeks when I get on that flight to go to Vegas with my friends the last thing I am thinking about is my heart or my next Dr. apt on August 18, 2008. So while you take this journey with me I will keep you posted on how I REALLY am doing... I love you all with all my heart and soul. Thank you Terri and Mom, for keeping this going. I know there will be times when you will have to write for me....